Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Having A Hissy Fit At .......

Recently I went on a garden tour to Britain. Why? Well, that's actually a good question as we all know that if I want to look at scrumptiously gorgeous gardens I can do it here at my leisure in my own country, the Netherlands, where we have oodles of them as every gardener knows. Well, every gardener worth his/her salt, that is.
So why did I bother to be bussed and shuttled across vast distances just to look at a bunch of British gardens? Well, for one thing, it's always good to check on what your neighbours are up to and, for another, I had heard a rumour that there were actually some decent gardens to be found in Britain. I know, I know, rather a concept of the very mind boggling kind but still worth checking up on. So off I went to see, among others, this garden.
And, as gardens go, this one was not too bad but it did have rather shabby old doors that could do with a lick of paint,
crazy paving which is much cheaper than buying enough paving slabs to lay a decent looking path,
a very ancient weather vane (1839? Hello, this is the 21 century!),
very old and crumbling walls, in dire need of a spot of re-pointing as plants were growing in its cracks (shocking, innit?),
and peeling paint, the skin flints! Not bothering to keep the place from crumbling down our ears but very good at charging obscene amounts of money for entrance fees. I feel a hissy fit coming on so high time to change the subject.
I haven't told you yet that 2 days before I went on my garden tour my old camera broke down (panic stations everyone!) so I had to buy a new one and learn how to use it in just 1 day. As you know, I am rather fearless and in possession of a very large brain so I did manage to learn in time how to manage my new camera. Whew!

With my new camera, complete with huge memory card, I can take 3,236 pics in one go. Not too shabby and 3,236 pics would be just about enough for a short garden tour. Not surprisingly, I love to experiment with my new camera, as shown in the pic above, so yours truly was happily snapping away and in the process besting a whole busload of Japanese tourists in taking the biggest amount of pics in the shortest possible time.
There, I feel all calmer now, so enough of my new camera and my fantastically wonderful photography, let's continue with showing you this garden. As you can see they not only have crazy paving but crazy plant training as well. I get dizzy just looking at it. Fig torture, the latest craze in gardening!
It was rather a relief to find that they actually did have some very nice borders and stuff in this garden. Or so it seemed at first but then I stumbled upon this:
a great big gaping hole in the planting. What a let down, especially when you take into consideration that they have an army of gardeners here to maintain the garden. In a way it's heartening though for the amateur gardener when a professionally ran garden, famous throughout the world (or so they claim), shows vast gaping holes like that.
A vast hole of a different and much prettier kind

BTW have you figured out which garden it is yet? Apparently it's an icon of the garden variety and it draws a quarter of a million visitors yearly. Frightfully shocking those herds of visitors stampeding the garden, wouldn't you say? So glad that my own garden isn't subjected to that kind of treatment on a yearly basis.
Also of the shocking was coming upon this (almost) nekkid chap in the shrubbery quite unexpectedly. It gave me quite a turn, I can tell you. Nekkid men in the garden, what is the world coming to? And I was very much right in checking up on my neighbours as they had, horror of horrors, another nekkid chap that was actually admiring himself in the moat.
The brazen whatsit, even though he's made of marble! Gentle reader, I hope you are as appalled as I am by all this flagrant and gratuitous nekkidness.

But now ...... the big reveal (perhaps an unfortunate choice of words with all those nekkid chaps about) ......
Yes, you've guessed it : Sissinghurst!

And from now on there's no need to throw a hissy fit caused by garden envy when at Sissinghurst as yours truly has shown you how very far from perfect this garden actually is. There's no need to thank me, your bill is in the mail!

Kind regards,

Dr YE, world leader in the prevention of hissy fits in gardeners

copyright 2009: Y.E.W. Heuzen


34 comments:

Layanee said...

YE: I have actually been to Sissinghurst and loved it! The white garden was just about to bloom when I was there also and I do like that rose structure.

marl1 said...

Arrrggh- zie geen plaatjes!
Kom later terug;-)))

Lisa at Greenbow said...

Interesting take on the garden. It seems your nerves were nekked. Maybe it was the bus ride.

Yolanda Elizabet Heuzen said...

Layanee: I loved it too (is it even possible not to like Sisinghurst?) but this garden has been done to death in superlatives by everybody and their auntie Agatha so I thought I'd try a different, more original approach. Strictly tongue in cheek of course.

Marl1: straks nog maar eens proberen. ;-)

Lisa: LOL

GardenJoy4Me said...

Yolanda girl !
That was a HOOT ! .. I love the commentary .. cracked me up a LOT .. nekked is a scary thing , but you got past it !
We never got over to the UK when we lived in Holland .. just too much going on and too many things to see on mainland Europe .. but we always felt like we were going "home" when returning to our little village house.
Dutch gardens RULE !!
Great tour and I'm still giggling ! : )
Joy

Monica the Garden Faerie said...

YE, you are too funny. The part about England being a great distance from the Netherlands had me in stitches! ;-) Looking forward to more photos from your tour!

Gail said...

Sign me up for your next tour group...your commentary would be a wonderful accompaniment! gail

emmat said...

I do not like nekkid men and I am very offended
xx

Pam/Digging said...

Too funny, YE. I haven't been there myself but clued in on the joke (with my "very large brain") about halfway through and enjoyed your down-to-earth post about Siss.

Cheryl said...

Dear Yolanda.....I live around twenty minutes from Sissinghurst and have never been there. It is one that has never appealed to me. There are many gardens far superior to Sissinghurst.....and some are not very well known.....and they are the gardens of the ordinary person opened for the National Garden Scheme. If you want to see real gardens, full of beauty I suggest you pop over when the scheme is on.....

Frances said...

HA you are too funny, YE! When I saw hissy fit, I thought it was a cat, (or dog) post. Now seeing the warts and all shots of Sissinghurst, and imagining you out shooting the Japanese photo hounds with your new camera and large brain, the truth has been revealed. So glad you found a nice garden in the UK, poor dears with their dearth of gardeners. :-)
Frances

marl1 said...

Ah, jij hebt de toren beklommen...;-)
Herkende de vijg (was er een paar jaar geleden)maar zag toen geen kale stukken grond....;-(
Toch vond ik het een prachtige tuin- vooral het witte gedeelte-natuurlijk;-)
Wij zagen eens bij een bezichtiging van een huis 'crazy paving' in de keuken.....en dan laat je bv een bak jus vallen...:-DDDD

Mr. McGregor's Daughter said...

That was a fun tour. Someday, I keep promising myself, I will do a garden tour of England. I must admit, I'm rather fond of nekkid guys in the garden. (Who wants to see nekkid ladies?) I like Sissinghurst's guys, but they aren't as fun as the dude at the Chicago Botanic Garden.

Curmudgeon said...

Dear Dr. YE can you help me get over my Chateau de Villandry garden envy??? Oh, what they did to that fig! Heads should roll for that!

Sarah: wife, mother, beekeeper said...

I feel like I just traveled. Beautiful!
Sarah in Montana, United States

Dee/reddirtramblings said...

Oh, my, as always, you had me laughing at the first sentence. The nekkid man was hilarious especially since like Narcissus, he was gazing at his own reflection. Thanks for the pleasure. Congrats on your tour.~~Dee

Kylee from Our Little Acre said...

Yolanda, you are a tour guide of the best kind. Indeed, I feel much better about my own garden, having "visited" Sissinghurst with you now and seeing all those "imperfections." Appalling, really.

Wonder why my garden's flaws don't look like those.... LOL

Gemel said...

:-( you have made me homesick.....

Piondröm said...

Hi Yolanda,
I see that you has done a trip to England too.
We have only take a trip to Londen and dont have the time to see any gardens I´m afraid.
Next time we shall go on a garden trip and only see beautiful gardens.
I can see on your fotos that you has been on a several beautiful gardens.
Ken

Rosalind said...

For proper nekkid gardeners, go to http://www.abbeyhousegardens.co.uk/ for a really spectacular garden, and occasionally a couple of nekkid gardeners!

garden girl said...

What fun Yolanda! I'm so glad Sissinghurst isn't perfect - makes me feel better about my garden.

I'm glad you figured out your new camera so I could see in graphic detail just how imperfect such a famous garden really is.

Julia said...

Hissinghurst!

Well, those naked chaps were too much for this Gentle Reader!

Chookie said...

But it is obvious what has happened. The gardeners were too busy showing off their muscles to do their work properly, hence the planting gap, and they have been turned to stone by the vengeful ghost of Vita Sackville-West!

Hanneles paradis said...

Lovely photos, I love Sisisinghurst and I'll visit that garden next month.

Hannele said...

and I love theese old crumbling walls..

(I have visit Sissinghurst twice before)

Rusty in Miami said...

Is off my list on places to visit on my next trip to marry old England.
PS – the check is in the mail

LadyLuz said...

So much lovely stuff of yours to catch up with when I can fight my out of these plums!

So, I'll be back when I can take it all in. Great to "see" you again.

Kat_RN said...

Your blog is aptly named! Bliss. I will be back.
Kat

Rosehaven Cottage said...

Well, thank goodness there are imperfections because I would feel like a horrible and awful gardener if you hadn't pointed them out. Now I don't feel so bad about my own mismatched paving. hee hee

Cindy

Green thumb said...

That was an interesting take on things dear Y.E. It must have required a keen intelligent observation to point out the imperfections in an otherwise beautiful place.
I am sure your satire is going to make people responsible to sit up and take notice.

em said...

i just love when you review a garden! your reviews are humorous, you use your practiced-eye to point out the best and worst of the gardens. thanks, now i don't need to go to sissinghurst! (i'd rather a blogger's garden anyway.)

black eyed susans kitchen said...

Excellent garden photos! I am adding it to my list of places to visit. Thanks...I am enjoying your blog.

nyght said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Barbara said...

Hi Yolanda, that was a great (and full of ironic humour) post. Congratulation!I liked the personal way you looked at Sissinghurst which I also visited years ago (and which I liked for its design and plants). Let's go and be more critical!
Summergreetings,
Barbara