Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Bad Design Much Improved

Jaguar Mark ll (Morse's car)

It's surprising really that for such mundane tasks as transporting oneself from A to B and back they've designed such spiffy little gadgets as the ones shown above and below.
Emma Peel with her Lotus Elan

Whereas when we enter into the exciting world of hedge trimming we're fobbed off with this.

Trimming hedges can be so very exhilarating, especially when you grow hedges like this,
or this.
So really, such a dull and lame looking piece of garden equipment most certainly will not do. Nah, we need something a little bit more exciting than a snorefest. So, as a designer, I've come up with a much better designed hedge trimmer than the sad trimming affair shown above.

Very, very much better.

Spectacular in fact.

And so handy.

Not to mention decorative.

Guaranteed to put the fun back into hedge trimming!

Pure adamantium, baby!

Yep, my hedge trimmer will sent the sparks flying in the heady and fascinating world of hedge trimmer design!
And once you're done trimming, my fantabulous design scrubs up nicely too so you don't have to hide it in the deepest, darkest corner of your garden shed but can instead stick it in the hallway where it will look all nice and decorative with a tray of drinks to meet and greet your guests.

And because I'm a brilliant designer (and modest about it too) I've designed it so that it's a multi purpose garden gadget. When it's not in use as a hedge trimmer or drinks stand or whatever else you might like to do with it (I'm sure you can think of a few things), it's also great to use as a water feature.


And this is what it looks like when it's turned on.

Whoa mamma!

So, if anyone is looking for a great designer of garden gadgets, tools and such I'm your (wo)man! And I do a mean garden too.

copyright 2009 Y.E.W. Heuzen


Midmarsh John said...

Brilliant Yolanda. That really brightened up my morning.

Arabella Sock said...

Well he's defo better than having Edward Scissorhand's moping around although I'm not sure I would like him exploding out of the water feature.

I only just caught up with the Sissinghurst post on your blog. Ha ha ha! I'm sure Sarah Raven would love the shabby chic bits of decay though!!!

Hanneles Topiary said...

Gorgeous! I love topiary,
have you seen my Topiary Blog?

Frances said...

HA YE, that brought a loud guffaw that sent Hazel running for cover. Yes, your design is a definite improvement. Would you like to ship the prototype across the pond? I have some hedge work that needs doing. :-)


GardenJoy4Me said...

Yolanda I just knew you were up to something girl : ) thanks for the laugh this morning and where did you say I could get one of those hedge trimmers at ??? and I don't care that I DON'T have a hedge .. just "gimme'!!! hahahahaha

Lisa at Greenbow said...

You are so funny YE. A great way to start the day.

WatcherOfTheSkies said...

That was absolutely fantastic! I guffawed loudly in the office and then gathered female colleagues to show off my (prospective) new hedge trimmer. Thanks Yolanda!

Gail said...

THANK YOU! It's the perfect design to help me tame the wild in my garden! I'll test it here and let you know how all goes.

Do please keep sharing these delightful multi-use products with us!


Roses and stuff said...

You've just made my day, Yolanda! You managed to put a big smile on my face...I hope it will stay for the rest of the day!

Monica the Garden Faerie said...

LOL--I prefer the metal contraption about 100x over the Wolverine!

Gail said...

ps. I do understand that the product needs much more testing! gail

Green thumb said...

Well, your garden gadget is certainly novel, and the expression it is giving in the last pic suggests that he might have found out what the great fashionista is up to!

chigiy at Gardeners Anonymous said...

Where can I get one???

Sophie Munns said...

Yes Please!

and do love the blog I must say!

Matron said...

I want one for Christmas! Put him in my stocking! xx

EB said...

Noooooo! Far too much muscle. Nice and hairy though. And dark, always good too.

Brilliant post!

VP said...

I prefer the Mark I water feature.

If you're discarding him in preference for Mark II above, can you send him over here please, I'd like to help you with your recycling ;)

Naturegirl said...

Oh Yolanda! I can't handle that human hunk trimmer! Give me the first old fashioned trimmer that you showed.
In fact that is exactly what we've been doing in our garden this past week shaping hedges...Your header photos is awesome...now that's some hedge trimming!! I got a smile out of this post Yolanda...things for me are ((not so hot)) if you'd like to come by and read.
hugs Ng...keep on buzzing those hedges!

Aiyana said...

I want one too!

Gemel said...

Now that brought a smile to my face :-)

Libby said...

Sorry I haven't visited for awhile, enjoying my daughters!!!
Isn't he the business, and I bet hes good at tucking you into bed at night as well!!! lol!!

Chookie said...

Don't you think that having this fancy hedge trimmer and that fancy water feature is just a bit too much for you and not enough for the rest of us?

James A-S said...

Lord knows what you are going to come up with when your mind turns to shredders....

HappyMouffetard said...

Wonderful post, Yolanda. Can you design us some more handy garden gadgets?

Yolanda Elizabet Heuzen said...

Welcome to DreamOnRUs!

* Midmarsh John: mission accomplished then and BTW brilliant sounds about right. ;-)

* Arabella Sock: I prefer my men to be non mopy and non brood-y, it's a thing, so ES was definitely out!

Are you sure you don't want the fab hedge trimmer/water feature to suddenly explode out of the water when you've invited that horrible woman, who accused poor widdle innocent Luka of such a dastardly crime, into your garden for a chat and you, purely by accident of course, turn on your spanking new water feature? It will be fun! Trust me, I'm a designer!

* Hannele: not yet but I will. Glad you loved the cloud hedge, I do too.

* Frances: I do believe I heard that guffaw over here too. ;-) And no, I won't ship my prototype across the pond, it will firmly stay where it belongs; in my hot little hands. :-)

* GardenJoy4Me: I'm always up to something, I'm wired that way. BTW you can order one from DreamOnRUs.

* Lisa: glad you found it amusing.

* WatcherOfTheSkies: guffaws all round then. Thank you for ordering and would any of your female colleagues like to place on order too for this fantabulous hedge trimmer?

* Gail: You're welcome! There will be no need for you to test our new model out as all testing is done here at DreamOnRUs, thoroughly!

* Katarina: hope it did last you all day long!

* Monica: you show decidedly poor taste in ........hedge trimmers!

* Green Thumb: are you saying that I pinched his bottom? Because I did not. Honest. OK, just the once and very gently so that hardly counts.

* Chigiy: at DreamOnRUs!

* Sophie Munns: thank you for ordering our shiny and new hedge trimmer/water feature.

* Matron: thank you for placing an order with us. With this fab new hedge trimmer, customer satisfaction is guaranteed! ;-)

* EB: What?!? Just look at those arms, those are good arms to have. You do have a garden, don't you, so loads of muscles will come in handy, very handy.

Thank you all very much for placing your orders with us.

DreamOnRUs customer service

Blackswamp_Girl said...

LOL! I don't even care what it costs, sign me up for one!!! (I'm SURE there's a waiting list... ;)

Flighty said...

I used to regularly walk past an impressive looking long, tall wavy hedge but never saw it being trimmed.
Surely Edward Scissorhands would be better at doing that, but I guess that Hugh Jackman has much more appeal for many of you! xx

Julia said...

LOL. Mr Oz (forget his name) is very popular on the lady blogs! I admit, I was not very keen on photos of him and did not see the attraction, until I saw him on television. Well, now! He is most pretty!

Thank you for the hedge vs fence advice. We are going with a fence! That is international design clout you have, Yolanda!!!

healingmagichands said...

I'll have one of those, please.

Layanee said...

Please send me your hedge trimmer for review. I will put it through the paces and let you know the level of satisfaction.

guild-rez said...

Looking at this great masculine human being, I regret not having a hedge in my garden :-)

Yolanda Elizabet Heuzen said...

Welcome to DreamOnRUs!

* VP: of course my dear, now that I have this one you can have the other one. It's good to recycle, isn't it?

* Anna: I love that hedge, that's why I made it the header for this week. And I am very glad I made you smile.

* Aiyana: This tool seems to be very popular with our customers. Thank you for ordering it! ;-)

* Gemel: smiling = good!

* Libby: please don't put ideas into my head, but thanks for the visual anyway. ;-)

* Chookie: - putting on thinking cap - hmmmmm, let's see, is it too much? Well, nooooooooo! ;-)

* James: the mind boggles!

* Mouffe: of course I can.

* Blackswamp Girl: thank you for ordering this amazingly popular garden tool. We do have a waiting list but hopefully we'll be able to ship this article to you soon!

* Flighty: look at that huge hedge in the header, Edward Sissyhands would never do, we need a real man for that job. And you're right, all that adamantium is very appealing. ;-)

* Julia: is he now, you surprise me. ;-) I first saw Hugh Jackman in Van Helsing where he made no impression on me whatsoever. Stoopid movie! Made quite an impression with The Prestige when i found, to my surprise, that he could actually act. But, with the added adamantium it suddenly is a whole new ballgame. ;-)

* Healingmagichands: thank you for ordering this popular garden tool. DreamOnRUs Customer Service

* Layanee: there are levels of satisfaction? Thanks for the heads up, I will try them all out. ;-)

* Gisela: not having a hedge is not a problem, you can order this garden tool regardless, just like GardenJoy4Me did. ;-)

Karen - An Artists Garden said...


em said...

what hasn't already been said about your ever so creative and amusing post! and i was just thinking the other day how hedge trimmers could be improved, and how i've been procrastinating with my topiary! thanks!

garden girl said...

Hi Yolanda, I'm ready to order one, or maybe two in case the first one breaks. ;O

Anonymous said...

I would like one of those hedge trimmers too please; I think I really NEED one. Oh, but do I have to have hedges? I could plant some.....

That post really cracked me up! You have excellent taste.

Glo said...

I wonder if I should hedge my bets...or just agree that he's a cut above all the rest ;)

Chicago Garden said...

LOL Yolanda,

I'll take the Edward Scissorhands model if you ever develop it.

The Dutchess said...


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